Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Feel Free to Laugh at My Pain

Second runner-up for title of this post: Sports Injuries 101
And the First runner-up for title of this post, please remember that in the event that the title of this post is unable to fulfill its duties as Post Title, the First Runner-up will take over. That having been said, the First Runner-up for title of this post is...................... *drumroll*................ Masochism and Me. (I hope someone out there in blogger land found that at least half as amusing as me.)

So, most of my loyal readers know that I have been into various sports throughout my life, some more dangerous than others. When I was swimming and in the early stages of learning to do a flip turn, I once got too close to the wall and scraped my back along the tile of the side of the pool. No blood or anything, but big long scratch marks all the way down my back.

In my many years of playing softball I managed to completely kill my knees, but other than that, 3 injuries stand out. At the ripe ol' age of 8 I headed out to my very first little league softball practice. I had never played a competitive sport, let alone one that involved balls traveling very quickly toward me. My very first practice the coach sent me up to try to bat. I was one of the youngest and smallest girls on the team, and obviously the most inexperienced (they had already had several practices by the time I got signed up). I confidently marched up to the plate (after the coach showed me where to stand), bat in hand ready to go. One of the teams pitchers (and one of the oldest, strongest, most experienced girls on the team) threw a pitch. I gripped the bat, took a swing and BAM! The ball hit my thumb. I look down to see a dime size chunk of skin desperately trying to keep itself attached to me. A normal kid would have said... that's about enough ball for me... but I played for another nine years.

The next softball injury came a few years later. I was running the bases and made a waaaay too late decision to slide into 2nd. Because I didn't have time to get my body rotated properly, my shin slid smack into the side of the base. For literally the next 2 months the entire length, and half the width of my shin was a rainbow of colored bruises. I think I saw every color in the spectrum on my leg during that time... it was PRETTY!!!! I think I should have investigated more... I'm fairly certain it could have been a world record... longest lasting, most colorful bruise that meant nothing. It wasn't during a game, it was practice, so really.. it was all for nothing.

Finally, we were playing a game and had exhausted all of our usual pitchers. A new girl had just moved and joined the team and she was a pitcher so the coach sent her out to give her a try. By this point in my softball years I was playing one position and one position only. I was the catcher. We were still definitely little league and hadn't progressed to giving each other signs for pitches, but I had gotten used to most of our pitchers and knew what to expect from them. Unfortunately I hadn't had the opportunity to catch for this girl yet. She had a mean drop ball! Especially for an 11 year old. I unfortunately wasn't ready for it and didn't move my mitt fast enough. The ball came flying in and hit toes (one of the few body parts that a catcher doesn't have anything on to protect). The ball went rolling away and I started to run after it but immediately fell to the ground. Once the play was stop I pulled off my cleat and my sock to discover that my big toenail was flipped backwards. I flipped it back down and got it bandaged up to finish the game, but I'll never forget the weird feeling of not being able to stand up. All because of a toenail. Weird!

Recently Will and I have begun playing Racquetball. It's AWESOME! So much fun, and such a good workout. So about a week and half ago we're playing and Will makes a particularly nice shot that sends me scrambling across the court. I figured I'd kinda slide/dive for it (it was my only chance) like I did in the good ol' softball days. I don't know if you know this.... but shin guards and dirt are much more conducive to sliding than bare knees and gym floors. My knees hit the ground a few inches from the wall. My knees and lower body stopped as soon as I hit the floor. Sadly, physics cause my upper body to remain in motion and propelled me, elbow first, in the wall. I still have bruise. AWESOME!

My most recent injury came just a couple days ago. We're playing racquetball and it's my serve. I serve the ball and turn to move out of the service box. I glance back to see where Will is and just as my head turns to face him.... BAM!!!! Ball to the mouth! HE HIT ME WITH THE BALL!!!!!!!!! IN THE MOUTH!!!! After realizing that my lips were still attached, I did a teeth check, they were all still there and didn't seem to be loose or anything. From the feeling (or lack there of) of my lips I was certain that I was going to wake up the next morning with purple Angelina Jolie lips. The next day, to my surprise, they were pretty much ok (no free lip plumping for me).

So there you have it. Feel free to laugh at my pain. But if you are going to laugh... I think it's only fair that you leave mean comments on Will's Myspace page. Mean comments for 1) hitting me in the mouth and 2) abandoning blogger to join Myspace. Moral of the story? Don't hit your racquetball partner in the mouth!! It's mean and it hurts!!!

Monday, October 09, 2006

Bumper Sticker

So... while out shopping this weekend I saw a bumper sticker on a car and i'm struggling with how to interpret it. I would love your insight. Please comment. I'll comment later... but i want to get a feel for what others are thinking. So this is what it said....

"Feminism is the radical notion that women are people."

There you have it. Let the comment flood gates open.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Things That Must Die: a rundown of inanimate objects/concepts that need to be done in.

Many posts ago i sought inspiration from my dedicated readers. While I clearly have MASSES of readers sitting on the edge of their seats anguishing about when i will again grace them with a post, only one of you felt it appropriate to try to inspire me by leaving suggestions for writing topics. Therefore, I would like to, with great gratitude, dedicate this post to Rica.

Things that must die:

1. Most annoying thing on the planet ~ bathroom fans! I know this sounds a little crazy, but seriously i CANNOT stand the sound of them. You would think with all the technology we have today someone would invent a silent bathroom fan. (And someone probably has, but it's probably waaaaay more than i'm willing to pay for it. Plus then i would have to make Will install it. And he would make me sit there and talk to him while he does it. And let's be honest, i don't really like to talk to him that much. ~ wow, I can't even type that without laughing) Seriously at disgustingly early hours of the morning (that's anything before noon) i shouldn't have to make the decision between listening to an incessant whirring sound or not being able to see myself in the mirror.

2. My cable company's version of a DVR. TiVo you are NOT. TiVo is fabulous! Stupid Insight DVR box... STUPID!!! Zero consistency. I hate it. Don't get me wrong, i still use it on occasion when there are 2 shows on at the same time (CSI and Grey's Anatomy) but i do it with extreme caution.

3. The hard core plastic wrapping that many products come in anymore. Who came up with that stuff? It shouldn't be that hard to get to a memory card for your camera! It's a memory card, not a bazooka.

4. People who drive the speed limit in the left lane. It's a PASSING LANE PEOPLE. That means if you are in it, you should be passing people not the other way around. Big pedal on the right! It's there for a reason. If you choose not to break the law by speeding that's your own business, but do it in the proper lane!

5. American Tradition paint from Lowes. I mistakenly strayed from Behr and the Depot in a desperate attempt to paint my office. NEVER AGAIN! I'm a dedicated Behr girl now. It should never take 4 coats of paint to do anything. That's all i'm saying!

6. Wal-mart. Pay your employees a decent wage and give them medical benefits for crying out loud. I do respect their movement toward going green, but what good does a better environment do if your employees are too sick to enjoy it because they have no health coverage?

7. Starbucks. I won't deny that some of your drinks are decent, but do you have to drive EVERY mom and pop coffee shop off the planet. Also, if you are going to claim to be fair trade, do it and do it right.

8. Parents pressuring their 3 years olds to be better at .... (fill in the blank... piano, soccer, singing, dancing, gymnastics, etc) They're children and they deserve a childhood.

9. The concept that the U.S. is the perfect country and everyone should do it our way. Clearly we as nation are pretty screwed up, so what makes us believe that we should make every other country just like ours? I guess misery loves company. I know this isn't a popular opinion, but as much as I enjoy Democracy, it's just not for everyone. Even if it could work, we're not the mediators of the world. We shouldn't try to force it.

Ok, this post started somewhat amusing and then got kinda serious. Sorry! It's just the way it goes sometimes. This was a fun little rant though. Thanks again to Rica for the idea.